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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The bane of bosoms

Mrs. Lydia Sherman
Ladies Against Feminism

Dear Mrs. Sherman,

I'm a big fan of your site. I've ordered Ofjosua to memorize every article so that she can be the kind of wife Jesus would have wanted. I'm not saying that He ever wanted a wife, and I'm not saying He didn't want one either. Maybe He just liked being a bachelor. There's nothing wrong with that even if you are thirty-two years old and live in a pre-industrial society. I suppose being the Savior took up a lot of His day. There probably wasn't much time left for dating.

Anyway, Ofjoshua just recited Scott Jonas' article from your site. I think it was called Should Women Play Sports? Darn fine article. I agreed with every word of it. It's very true that "sports greatly hinders the development of godly, Biblical, feminine character," and trains women "to be like men so they can better compete with men in traditionally masculine roles," and to "develop a competitive and contentious spirit that will cause them to have great difficulty in their marriages."

I also agree with Scott's observations about the attractiveness of athletic women:

...if you look at pictures of female athletes who play sports or observe them on the playing fields, you will notice that many develop strong, muscular bodies. Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren?t very attractive, either.

That bit got me to thinking about how women appear in other venues like on the street. All that make-up and tawdry fashion is unbecoming of them. When men see a woman looking like that, they'll often have impure thoughts.

And it's really more than just the clothing and make-up. It's other things like their bosoms. All of the guys I know can't help but to stare at the bosoms of every woman they see. It's the way God made us. Well, most of us anyway. For some reason, bosoms don't affect me that way. I think it's because I've been washed in the blood of Jesus. I doubt he liked bussoms either.

It's awfully hard to hide bosoms, so I think it might be better if women weren't allowed to go out in public except during certain hours to shop for groceries, and even then, they should wear something long and shapeless. Of course the feminists would scream about it, but we'll find husbands for them, and they'll quickly learn to accept their roles as Christian women.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Auntie Nym's husband because it would be inappropriate for me to thank a another man's lady.

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