Ryan Dobson, old teenager

Ryan Dobson
Youth Minister

Dear Mr. Dobson,

I'm a big fan of the work your father, Dr. James Dobson, is doing to expose homosexual cartoon characters. I am delighted to hear that you too have joined the fight against homosexuality by writing a book promoting intolerance--Lord knows that a good dose of bigotry mixed with violence solves even the worst of problems.

It's easy to see God's strong, masculine hand in your work. It's all there on your website. In the picture of you and your wife, we see you as you really are, a 35 year-old geeky guy who enjoys the same kind of western shirts our fathers wore. Every other photo shows you as God wants you to appear to the teenagers in your youth ministry. It's as if God shaved at least fifteen years off your age and gave you the fashion sense of a fourteen year old.

The Lord's gift of youth to you extends even beyond mere appearances. He's also given you the ability to write and think like a twelve year old. It's a miracle that we all can see for ourselves in journal entries like this:

Hey Everyone,
Awesome show posted today! I interviewed my dad for this week?s show. We had a lot of fun recording it. Last night Ethan, Adam and Bret came over and we all watched the UFC 52 (www.ufc.tv) where Chuck Liddell knocked out Randy Couture. It was a great night. UFC 53 coming up on June 4th. Ethan Luck is on his way over now to record for next week?s show. Click on the link below to go to the show page.
http://www.ryandobson.com/media.aspx
God Bless,
Ryan

I'm glad to see that you're into Ultimate Fighting Championships. It's a tool we can use to show young men that God created men to be masculine and violent. Certainly, there's no better way to model heterosexuality than to beat the hell out of another man while wearing nothing but tiny little spandex shorts. I'm sure if Jesus lived in modern times, we'd see him grinding His manly bulge into another man's thigh as He pummels him mercilessly with his holy fists.

I'm a big fan of UFC, myself. I get together with the guys about once a month to watch the tapes and engage in a little amateur UFC. Of course, being warriors, we dispense with the shorts and fight in the manner of the ancient Spartans, freeing our little soldiers to be used as weapons when we put our opponents down. It makes the matches even more exciting.

Perhaps you could join us some time. That'd be just peachy.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot