What's the matter with Kansas

Sen. Kay O'Connor
Kansas State Senate

Dear Sen. O'Connor,

I'm very conflicted about your decision to run for the office of Secretary of State. Your proven record of defending Blastocyst-Americans and your opposition* to the Nineteenth Amendment make me want to scream hallelujah, but I'm repulsed by your willingness to reject your traditional role as homemaker in order to pursue a position more suited for a man.

I have to wonder just how committed you really are to ending women's suffrage. After all, if you're unfit to vote, how can you possibly be fit to serve in public office. Have you considered serving the people of Kansas in some other way? Perhaps your time would be better spent if you stood at the polls on election days and screamed the word "harlot" at every woman standing in line. Heck, I bet you'd end suffrage for more women that way. It's what the French call thinking globally but acting locally.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*Note: Thus sayeth the senator:

Quotes from Sen. Kay O'Connor, R-Olathe, a candidate for Kansas secretary of state, about women's suffrage:

Sept. 28, 2001:

"We have a society that does tear families apart ... I think the 19th Amendment, while it's not an evil in and of itself, is a symptom of something I don't approve of."

(The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, ratified in 1920, gave women the right to vote nationwide.)

"The 19th Amendment is around because men weren't doing their jobs, and I think that's sad. I believe the man should be the head of the family. The woman should be the heart of the family.

"If I don't get re-elected, my only punishment is to go home to my husband and my roses and my children and my grandchildren ... And if the trips to Topeka get to be too much and my husband asks me to quit, I would."