Willfull Barrenness

Albert Mohler, President
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Dear President Mohler,

I couldn't help but to scream hallelujah after reading your recent column in the Courier-Journal. Finally, I saw my own thoughts given substance on printed paper. You see, I too believe that willful barrenness is nothing less than "an absolute revolt against God's design."

Something needs to be done to end deliberate childlessness. Sen. Santorum's crusade against legal birth control is a good place to begin, but even if it is successful, it won't be enough. Black market contraception will always be available to wicked wives who do not want to bear more than a half-dozen children.

That's why we Christians need to use our political clout to compel women to give birth. I've written legislation to do just that. I call it the The American Family Preservation Act (AFPA). Among its major provisions are requirements that women must be fertile to be married, they must become pregnant in the first year of marriage, and if they remain willfully barren for that year, they must then, like Bilhah, become handmaids for the rich, pius, and powerful.

This last provision is very important. Many of our nation's greatest leaders are married to women who are now barren. Laura Bush gave Our Leader twins and nothing more. Lynne Cheney bore two daughters for Our Dick and cannot bear him others. Our Leader's seed is still good, it should be utilized. The same is true of the Dick's seed and Don Rumsfeld's and Ann Coulter's as well. It just needs eggs to fertilize. These women could take that seed and turn it into good, white, Christian children.

I think I can get Sen. Santorum and Sen. Brownback to sponsor it in the Senate, and with its focus on producing white babies, I'm sure Lou Dobbs will take care of the media end of it, but I need your help finding sponsors in the House. Do you think you can do that?

Please get back to me soon. Every day we wait, more seed is wasted.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A tip of the old helmet to reader Jeanne.