Gott mit uns

Sen. Tom Reynolds
Wisconsin State Senate

Dear Sen. Reynolds,

Thanks to feminism, secularism, and the locally mandated pollution of our essence with fluoridated water, there are very few real men remaining among us who are willing to stand up and fight for what is right and decent. Luckily for your constituents, you are one of them.

You didn't bitch and moan after your last speeding ticket. Instead, you introduced legislation to build an unlimited-speed toll autobahn to run parallel with the freeway. Although some may still call you crazy and make jokes at your expense because of it, be assured that others like myself salute your brave entrepreneurial spirit.

The same goes for your hiring practices. You don't allow things like employment discrimination laws to stand in your way. Instead, you ask the kinds of questions every elected official should be asking potential staffmembers--things like "have you been saved by Jesus," "are you a virgin," and "are you saving yourself for marriage." You don't care what others may think. You want the best man--and a man it always is--for the job.

I think the thing for which I most admire you, however, is your commitment to fighting the scourge of homosexuality. While other conservative politicians spend their time simply trying to deny basic human rights to homosexuals, you go the extra step to demonize them as the enemy. Certainly, you're the only elected official who's attended the International Conference on Homo-Fascism.

That's why, unlike others, it doesn't bother me that you replaced Joseph, Mary, and a couple of shepherds with yourself and your family in last year's Christmas card. I think it's fitting.

The same is true for the card's title, "God with us," the English translation of the old SS troopers' motto, Gott mit uns. It's the perfect motto for our Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot




A helmet tip to reader Monty.