Photo-op Commandos

Jonah Goldberg
National Review Online

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

After reading that Our Leader had to impress a thousand emergency responders to act as props for His Hurricane Katrina photo-ops, it occurred to me that He could respond more quickly to such emergencies if He had special photo-op rapid response teams on call 24 hours a day.

The teams--let's call them the Photo-op Commando Corps--would require a force of about 20,000 photo commandos, pre-deployed across the country to be effective. The Department of Homeland Security would house the Corps and perhaps FEMA could be made subordinate to it--that makes sense given the relative political importance of their respective duties.

We could recruit young men like yourself to fill the ranks. It would provide you with an opportunity to serve your country without risking your ass in Iraq. It would also provide you with a better excuse for avoiding service in the war you arranged for the working class.

Best of all, you'd get to wear uniforms--the whole gamut of Village People outfits with the occasional NASCAR jacket thrown in--without risking anything more than minor chafing and an occasional sunburn. You can't beat that.

As the editor of the National Review Online, you're in the perfect position to sell this idea to Congress and to the public. I hope you will do so. Our Leader needs it desperately so that He can be better prepared the next time disaster strikes.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Note: The General will be on maneuvers for the next few days and has asked Stinkeye to pinch hit. Please be nice to her--it's her first gig. I'll return on Friday or Saturday.