Big Russ educates the Architect

I wasn't going to write anything about Scooter's testimony identifying Tim Russert as the man who betrayed the identity of a CIA agent to Karl Rove, because Mr. Russert denies it. But earlier today, someone sent me a partial transcript of Russert's testimony. It certainly looks like he told the Grand Jury a different story than he's telling us, today.

I can't vouch for the transcript's authenticity, but it appears genuine to me. I've reproduced it below. Look it over, and let me know what you think.

MR. RUSSERT: As I was saying, Karl was very upset about the President's reaction to Ambassador Wilson's statements. He told me that the President wanted his secretary, Harriet Miers, to "clip Wilson." He said that those were the exact words the President used. He continued, saying that the President told him it was time for Miers to "make her bones," and that he knew she could do it, because they practiced killing things together by blowing up frogs on the ranch.

MR. FITZGERALD: How did Mr. Rove feel about the President's plan?

MR. RUSSERT: He thought it was a bad idea. He was certain that Miers would brag about it. He said she was always bragging about the frogs.

He asked me what I thought he should do about Wilson. I responded by telling him a story about my father, Big Russ.

MR. FITZGERALD: Please repeat the story for the Jury.

MR. RUSSERT: Well, I must have been about ten or eleven--I was in the sixth grade. I had a crush on a girl named Beth. She was the most beautiful girl in our class. Every recess I'd try to get her attention by hurling dodgeballs at her head.

One day, just as I was ready to throw, Bobby Hindenlocker snuck up behind me and gave me a wedgie. Of course, Beth laughed. I was thoroughly humiliated.

That night at dinner, Big Russ noticed that I wasn't fighting for the last pork chop with my usual vigor and asked if something was bothering me. I had tried to put on a brave face until then, but Big Russ's question unleashed the logjam of emotions I worked so hard to hide. Sobbing, I told him of my love for Beth and the shame I had felt because of Bobby's treachery. I ended my story with a vow to beat Bobby to a pulp the next day.

Big Russ reached over and gave me a big hug and told me that fighting people wouldn't solve my problems. "It's better to destroy their families," he said. Then he took me by the hand and led me up into the attic, the one place in the house that was forbidden to children.

I can't describe how proud I felt at that moment. By taking me to the attic, the domain of men, Big Russ was acknowledging that I was ready to become a man and learn the secrets of the brotherhood.

Overwhelmed by this rite of passage, I hadn't noticed that Big Russ was digging a box out of a pile of old curtains in the corner until he opened it and pulled out a big bag of white powder. "What's that," I asked. Big Russ responded by dipping his finger into the powder, tasting it, and declaring "pure horse." My father had just repeated a scene from the opening credits of my favorite TV show, "The Mod Squad." By doing so, he had connected with me at my level. Big Russ was always doing things like that. It's what made us so close.

He then pulled out a pistol and explained that it had been used in a number of liquor store robberies. Big Russ told me to take the bag of heroin and the pistol over to Bobby's house and hide them. Once I returned, he'd tip off the police and Bobby's dad would go to the big house. That would eventually lead to divorce and destitution for Bobby's family, and I'd have my revenge.

I followed Big Russ's advice, and you know what, he was absolutely right. In less than a year, Bobby and his mother had moved to Topeka to live with her family. He never embarrassed me again.

Big Russ was the wisest man I ever knew.

That's it. That's the story I told Karl.

MR. FITZGERALD: How did Mr. Rove respond to the story?

MR. RUSSERT: He didn't quite get it. His father wasn't like Big Russ, so he didn't get the same kind of introduction to manhood from his father.

Karl thought I was telling him that he should plant heroin and a robbery weapon on Wilson's father. I said, "No, go after his wife, Valerie. She's in the CIA. You'll destroy her career if you betray her identity."

Can I get a hug now, Mr. Fitzgerald.