The Opportunity of the Commons

Rep. Henry E. Brown, Jr
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Brown,

Republicans are taking a lot of heat these days. Words like "corrupt," incompetent," "mercenary," and "greedy," are quickly becoming synonyms for "Republican." We need to do something to change that perception. It's bad for business.

I see it as essentially being a communications issue. We simply haven't been good at promoting our real agenda. Indeed, we even actively avoid marketing it, preferring, instead, to distract the electorate with tales of Islamist/homosexual/secularist/immigrant/minority/feminist conspiracies to destroy our children, our families, and our way of life.

I think you articulated a better message the other day, when you attacked the Endangered Species Act, saying: "We should protect endangered species, but not at the expense of our property owners." In this single sentence, you defined our vision of America better than anyone since James Watt. It's not about protecting Americans or our family values; it's about profit, pure and simple.

Think about how much easier it will be to turn our failures into successes if we're honest about our goals. No longer will we need to pretend that turning Iraq into an Islamic Republic is a victory for freedom, nor will we have to promote the fantasy that we cared what happened to the poor in New Orleans. Instead, we only need to state that we're simply maximizing our profits by acquiring oil and property for development--it's nothing personal, just business.

The same goes for the legal difficulties faced by our leadership. Tom Delay isn't corrupt; he's just a sharp-eyed entrepreneur. Insider-trading? Bill Frist was just managing his investments. Karl Rove isn't a traitor; he was just defending the interests of POTUS Inc.

I look forward to hearing you defend our profit-driven value system more in the future. Perhaps you could give a speech in which the "Tragedy of the Commons" is repositioned as the "Opportunity of the Commons." That seems like the logical next step for you in your jihad against endangered species, and it would help our leadership see the true value of your message as a marketing tool.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot