By tradition, the celebration of our Savior's birth begins today. It is our sacred duty as Christians to ensure that the forces of secularism do nothing to soil it. Today, as you worship our Lord at our nation's holiest retailers, listen closely to the store clerk's words. Should the clerk greet you with a "Merry Christmas," reach out and hug him in a firm, yet heterosexual, manner, but if the clerk calls out to you with the words "Happy Holidays," kick him in the naughty bits so as to cause pain approaching, yet not equivalent to, that associated with organ failure.
I created this holy card to remind you of the sacredness of this day. Please print it and carry it with you as you enter this first battle in the War Against Christmas.
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.