Payback is a corrupt old bastard

Sen. Ted Stevens
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Stevens,

It's about time someone put Sen. Maria Cantwell in her place. She's been far too uppity lately. I can't describe the embarrassment I felt when she demanded the oil company executives to swear an oath before testifying. I mean, after all, these are oil company execs, men who have committed their lives to nurturing the sacred bond between the corporation and the consumer. How dare she suggest that they would lie to us. It an outrageous claim, a libel that strikes at the very heart of what it means to be an American citizen. Are not Our Leader and his deputy former oil company execs? Is Cantwell, not publicly calling their honesty into question when she suggests that Exxon-Mobile's chairman cannot be trusted unless he testifies under oath.

Then there's her criticism of your Bridge to Nowhere. Doesn't she understand that the less than 50 residents of Gravina Island are special Americans. Given their specialness, she should gladly support spending more than $6.3 million/per resident so that they can burn more gasoline driving to Ketchikan. On what would she spend the money? Rebuilding New Orleans? Providing food and healthcare to children? Those things won't help Alaskans, or at least they won't help the important Alaskans who matter.

Thank God you're going to make Cantwell and her consituents pay her insubordination. You'll have the last laugh when you sign over the Puget Sound to Exxon-Mobile against the wishes of the people of Washington State. That'll teach those coffee-swilling, Orca-loving, Kerry-voting bastards a lesson.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A Helmet Tip to Carl of the Washington State Political Report