What would Dr. Dobson do?

Jacob Sherman
Interim-Superintendent
Cleveland Independent School District
Cleveland, Texas

Dear Superintendent Sherman,

I don't understand why Diane Schauer is so angry. It appears that you followed the law when your staff beat her son so badly that he now requires muscle relaxers to sleep. She even admits that you sent her a note requesting permission to beat her child. Sure, she replied with the words, "Don't hit and whoop him," but she didn't understand that you only sent the note "as a courtesy" and that you'd apply your terrible instruments of discipline regardless of her response.

Have you considered taking advantage of the opportunity provided by this controversy? Perhaps you could create an adult education course to teach parents the meaning of the word "courtesy." Send them "beating permission slips" before the class begins, and then, after the first roll call, flog them like Dr. Dobson flogs his little Siggie regardless of whether they signed the permission slip or not. I can't think of a better way to learn the official newspeak meaning of words like "courtesy" and "consent."

Heck, by applying pain at levels only slightly less than that experienced during organ failure, you could turn the class into a civics course honoring the work of Texas's favorite son, George W. Bush.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot