Charlie Holleran
Vice President, Ford Motor Company
Dear Mr. Holleran,
We view Ford's decision to end advertising in homosexual publications and sponsorship of homosexual events as nothing more than a weak attempt to direct attention away from a greater problem--the subversion of your company by a homosexual fifth column. Denying it will serve no purpose. The evidence is obvious to those of us who are adept at spotting homosexual influences in our culture.
Every time I get behind the wheel of one of your products I'm assaulted with temptation. The dashboard's seduction is subtle at first. I'll reach for the volume control and I'll hear the word, "knob," in my head. Soon, my head reels as I consider that word's various connotations while my conscience screams in protest. The gearshift, sensing my weakness, calls out to my hand, lustfully commanding its immediate attention. My fingers respond, gently stroking the shaft and teasing the shift-lock button until I want to cry out, demanding release. Before I know it, I'm standing on a Broadway corner, wearing a sailor suit, and striking up a conversation with the first guy I see. And I'm 110% heterosexual. I can only imagine how much worse it must be for those who are cursed with a weaker commitment to heterosexuality.
This isn't a mere coincidence. Your cars are designed to do this, designed by subversive engineers bent on promoting their homosexual agenda.
So you see, changing your marketing practices won't be enough. You must also redesign the interior of all your cars. Until you do so, our boycott will continue.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.