I've teamed up with Mr. O'Reilly

I'm proud to announce that Bill O'Reilly has agreed to serve as a Field Marshal in my militia. I look forward to working closely with him, although we've agreed that it might be best if he didn't call me anymore.

To celebrate this pairing, Bill has recorded an announcement of our new venture and will air it on his show, tomorrow.

Here's the transcript:

A few demon infested internet smear sites have launched a campaign to destroy Christmas. Now the reason this is happening is because of the Mus-Com conspiracy, Hugo Chavez, and the Clenis™. Just a reminder: the Clenis™ brokered the deal that allowed Hugo Chavez to obtain Vogon battle cruisers. They're planning to prevent the Second Coming by using them to shoot Jesus down before he enters the atmosphere.

But first, they want to destroy Christmas. The Clenis™ is pouring the money he made on the deal into the Mus-Com conspiracy; he pours money into the Satanic smear websites; you know, he buys up a lot of the media time. And he basically wants to change the country from a Christian-based philosophical country to an Islamic republic like the new Iraq except that it's run by a Venezuelan and a large penis with an Arkansas accent. OK? Now, the satanic smear websites are his media arm. And he pours a lot of money into it. And the Mus-Com Conspiracy runs around the country scaring everybody and causing them to wet themselves worrying that a homicide bomber will vaporize them before they have an opportunity to die the American way, from a McDonald's induced heart attack.

I'm glad the Satanic smear sites are out front doing it. Now we can all know who is with the anti-Christmas internet crowd. We'll post the names of all who support the smear merchants at my partner's blog, patriotboy.blogspot.com, in a few days. That will show those rotten bastards, those dirty sons of bitches. They'll whine and cry about it and then I'll call them up and laugh at their pathetic bawling while I pleasure myself with the new ReamMaster 5000 (available for $29.95 in the Happy Holidays section of The Factor's E-Store.)