A lesson in compassionate conservatism

Rep. Jeff Miller
U.S. House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Miller,

Your district holds a very special place in my wife's heart. She'll always remember how the good, patriotic, fair-complected people in the "good" part of Pensacola treated her when she was assigned to her first teaching job at the newly integrated Booker T Washington High School. Ofjoshua--that's her name--says she'll never forget the time they honored her by burning a cross on her lawn or the many instances where they witnessed to her yelling, "You're going to burn in hell you nigger-loving Jew." Of course, Ofjoshua is actually a patriotic, race-loyal, Christian woman, but it's the thought that counts--their concern for her eternal soul still brings a tear to her eye when she mentions it.

It's good to see that things haven't changed there, or at least, it doesn't seem like things have changed. I mean, they did elect you to congress after all. I think that's a pretty good indicator of where they're at on the race question today.

No doubt they were very proud of the way you handled those ungrateful Hurricane Katrina survivors the other day. You sat there for what must have seemed to be eternity to you, patiently listening to their stories of neglect. The endless whining about being left by the government to die must have been very tiresome. Sure, people died while waiting for their government to help them, and maybe a few policemen let off a little steam by shining their laser gun sights onto children's foreheads, but damn it, the people in the hearing survived, so why in God's name were they complaining?

But you didn't let any of that bother you. Instead, you told them to look on the bright side, saying, "[n]ot a single person was marched into a gas chamber and killed."

It's always a pleasure to see compassionate conservatism in action.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot