Wal-Mart cares

Col. Steve from Murphysboro sent me a very moving holiday Christmas story about Wal-Mart's generosity. As the ultimate example of what it means to be an owner in Our Leader's Ownership Society, Wal-Mart didn't need to give Christmas gifts to the sixty associates they were firing. But they did just that when they gave each one a $10 gift certificate on the day they announced the closure of their Dumas, AR store.

What will these lucky former employees buy when they drive to the nearest Wal-Mart, nineteen miles away. Well, I have a few suggestions, books and CDs that can be purchased with their $10 gift certificate.

First, I suggest that they buy something to honor their ex-employer's generosity.

Wal-Mart Family Cookbook: Midwest/West Region
At a little under 5$, they could also pick up the Southern Region cook book as well. Unfortunately, they don't carry one for Utah, but since the food of my people, green jello and red punch, is easy to make, I don't feel slighted.

Sam Walton, Made in America: My Story
He often appears to me in dreams to discuss spatulas.

Alternatively, they might pick up something that'll help them properly place blame on those who are ultimately responsible for their joblessness.

The Effects of the Minimum Wage on Employment
OK, this one costs $19, but perhaps a couple of the newly jobless could combine their gift certificates and share the book.

Betrayal: How Union Bosses Shake Down Their Members and Corrupt American Politics
Wal-Mart isn't unionized, but certainly the unions deserve some of the blame. So does Klinton.

Of course, the ex-employees are facing tough times, so they might think about purchasing something to help them figure out where they fit in the Ownership Society.

Advantages of Poverty
Make lemonade!

The Christian Employee: Discover purpose and peace in your life as you understand God's perspective on the workplace.
Jesus is the opiate of the workforce.

How to Rent a Negro
Give the owners what they want.

I Was a Communist for the FBI
Find a new line of work.

If none of the above strikes their fancy, they should consider buying something that'll improve their citizenship skills.

Support Our Troops: Quotations on Patriotism and Prayer with Magnet(s)
Because there's no better way to defend our freedom.

George W. Bush on God and Country: The President Speaks Out about Faith, Principle, and Patriotism
You'll want this on your coffee table when the State Security Apparatus pays a visit.

Orrin Hatch's Christmas Eve
With this CD, you can wake up with Orrin Hatch every day.

Haarp: The Ultimate Weapon of the Conspiracy
Learn how space aliens and the Trilateral Commission are plotting to seize control of our minds.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a spatula on Wal-Mart's web site. But I'm certain they carry them for under $10 in their stores. Owning your own spatula may be a lot cheaper than trips to Little Rock to see that guy who disciplines naughty people for money.