Earning the Dark Stain of College Republican Valor at a book event in Olympia

Ofjoshua, Ofsomefutureluckyguy, JC II, and I left the Alabama side of Washington State early yesterday morning to visit our sinful capitol city. Our objective: to infiltrate Kos and Jerome's event at Orca Books and beat up some elderly ladies. To my dismay, Ofsomefutureluckyguy and JC II chickened out and decided to swim in the hotel's pool instead, and Ofjoshua, the fine gospel-loving woman that she is, ducked off with a lonely looking guy to provide him Christian comfort in the deepest recesses of Orca Books' seldom visited O'Reilly section. That left me, alone, to deal some Delay-approved patriotic wrath against the septuagenarian Frenchwomen of Olympia.

I approached the two senior seditionettes in attendance stealthily, but just as I was ready to yell "God Bless Our Leader" and bludgeon them down to the floor, one of them turned towards me, exposing me to a face marked with deep lines of cruelty and limitless depths of viciousness. That single look shot tazer darts of fear into my heart and paralyzed every muscle in my body. I felt like a statue, unable to move, even to take a cookie from the plate she offered. Thankfully she moved on quickly, offering her evil wares to others before noticing the Dark Stain of College Republican Valor that was spreading down from my crotchal area and forming a puddle on the floor around my shoes.

Some might criticize me for not completing my objective, but I like to think that the terror and wetness I experienced were evidence that we're winning our battle against these elderly enemies and that victory is around the corner.

Inasmuch as Ofjoshua was still busy attending to our lonely brother in the darkest corner of the building, I couldn't leave, so I sat down and listened to Kos and Jerome discuss their book, Crashing the Gate. What I heard from them scared me even more than the cookie-bearing grandmother. They have a better grasp of the current state of Democratic politics than anyone else I've heard or seen. Heck, my Inner Frenchman spent thousands of dollars on his masters degree in political management and years working on campaigns and gained more insight from reading Crashing the Gate than from both the education and experience combined. If the French read this book and take it to heart, we're through, Our Leader's America will fall. Who will the owners in Our Leader's Ownership Society own then? Who will tell me what to do?

Afterward, I approached Kos and Jerome and asked them to sign my copy of their book. My hope was that they might write something to discredit themselves, perhaps an admission that they thought betraying CIA operatives was a bad thing or something like that. Unfortunately, they simply tried to recruit me into their Democrat lifestyle, writing that they needed me on their side. I was so dumbfounded, I couldn't think of a response and only smiled and nodded dumbly. They probably thought I was an idiot.

One good thing did come out of it. A woman heard me talking to Kos and Jerome and recognizing my name, she introduced herself and told me that she was often awarded the Dark Stain of College Republican Valor when she read Jesus' General. I replied that her comment was the best complement I've ever received. And I meant it. It made my night. Thank you, reader.

Kos and Jerome are coming to a town near you. Buy their book so that you know what the enemy is up to.

Carl, Goldy, and Andrew have more on the Seattle book events.

The Wolves of Tenino

We stopped off at Wolf Haven International on our way to Olympia. They do great work there rescuing gray wolves and helping to revive nearly extinct populations of red wolves and mexican gray wolves. If you're ever in that part of Washington state, stop by and take the tour. It's fantastic.

We adopted a gray wolf named Cricket for JC II's first grade class. It only cost $35 and the money goes to caring for the wolves. You can do the same by going here. In return, the class will get a photograph and bio of your wolf and each child will receive a pencil, a sticker, and a personal connection to the important work of saving a keystone predator from extinction. I know that sounds awfully French, but they are predators and some of them growl at you while you take the tour. It's the next best thing to having breakfast with Deputy Leader Cheney.