It's a nice day for a Heartland wedding

Sen. Kay O'Connor
Kansas State Senate

Dear Sen. O'Connor,

I've been a big fan of yours since I first learned of your efforts to repeal the Nineteenth Amendment. It's important work, and although it may not be as sexy as destroying the right to privacy, the resubjugation of America's women can't be accomplished without it.

Still, everything you've done thus far seems trivial when compared to your most recent battle to save the institution of marriage. I'm amazed that there even needs to be a battle at all. Do your opponents really believe that the right to marry should be denied to girls under the age of fifteen?

I can't believe that you were defeated. Citing Loretta Lynn and the Virgin Mary as examples of successful child brides was a brilliant move on your part. I don't understand why it wasn't successful.

Perhaps you need to try something different. A national security angle might be more effective. Yeah, I think that's it, and I have the perfect gimmick: a computer dating service where Department of Homeland Security officials could meet the thirteen-year-olds of their dreams. Think about it. Not only would it give you the national security angle you need, it'd also do a lot to lower the turnover rate at DHS.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot