Fox is Down with the Death Squads

Roger Ailes
Fox News Channel

Dear Mr. Ailes,

I know you're working very hard to get the good news out about Iraq, but it seems like fewer and fewer people are buying it. Perhaps you're using the wrong approach. After all, stories about captured or killed #2 Al Qaeda leaders are becoming the cable news equivalent of emailed schemes to share Nigerian fortunes, and your positive coverage of the newly minted government can't seem to compete with the ever increasing indications that Iraq is the grips of a civil war.

And it's that last part that is the most troubling. Nearly all of the pundits, no matter where they fall in the cable news ideological spectrum, from right-wing conservative to hard-right ultra-conservative, bloviate about civil war as if it is a bad thing, when, in reality, it's the only part of Our Leader's Iraq plan that is performing as expected.

Fox News should be touting sectarian violence as the huge policy success it is. It's only been a couple of years since John Negroponte first began applying everything he learned in the Reagan-era killing fields of Central America to Iraq, arming and training quasi-official Shia militia groups with names like the Scorpion Brigade, the Wolf Brigade, and the Fearless Warriors just as he had armed and trained the ARENA death squads of El Salvador two decades earlier. Before long, the "Salvador Option," as he called it, started to bear fruit. Morgues throughout the country began to overflow with the bodies of the disappeared, each bearing marks of torture and execution. Now that it is evolving into full fledged ethnic cleansing and civil war, it is only a matter of time until the troublesome Sunnis, like the Mayans of Guatemala, are no longer a problem.

But how do we tell this success story? Years of indoctrination by bleeding heart leftists have soured the public's opinion regarding death squads and genocide. We need to turn that around, and who better than Fox News to do it.

I'm thinking of an extended news/reality series in which Fox personalities are embedded with the Wolf Brigade. We could call it Down with the Death Squads. I love that title. It has ironic value in that it means the opposite of the old commie chant, "Down with imperialism." It's also very hip--the kids use "down" to mean "supportive of" these days. It provides another dimension to the hipness Bill O'Reilly already brings to Fox.

Anyway, in each episode, cameras would follow one of your personalities from his or her first day of training to the moment he or she tortures and executes some unfortunate taxi driver. Picture Brit Hume applying electrodes to his captive's nipples or a bare-chested Bill O'Reilly beating a guy to death. That's compelling television, but more importantly, it tell's the story of our greatest success, the triumph of American values in the war to bring freedom and democracy to the brown people.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot