Mrs. Malkin's sacrifice

Michelle Malkin
Anti-Immigrant Activist

Dear Mrs. Malkin,

I know you've already given a lot for this country. Your courageous defense of everything from toddlercide to concentration camps has inspired us all. However, there is one more thing you must do for your country, and unfortunately, it calls for you to make a tremendous sacrifice.

One of the greatest dangers we face as a nation--a danger you've noted on your own blog--is the growing numbers of "anchor babies:"

During my book tour across the country for Invasion, this issue came up time and again. In the Southwest, everyone has a story of heavily pregnant women crossing the Mexican border to deliver their "anchor babies." At East Coast hospitals, tales of South Korean "obstetric tourists" abound. (An estimated 5,000 South Korean anchor babies are born in the US every year). And, of course, there's a terrorism angle...The time is ripe to reassess drive-by citizenship and what it means to be an American.

Indeed, it is a tremendous problem. Just in the last week, a poster at your own immigration blog called it a "recipe for social disaster," and Rep Dave Reichert (R-Mescaline), reported that border area parking lots are becoming little more than large open air maternity wards, awash with discarded placentas and the wrappers of those nasty tamarind flavored candies from Mexico.

So how does all of this lead me to ask you to make a sacrifice? Well, it's come to my attention that you too may be an "anchor baby." Just a little over thirty-six years ago, it appears that a foreign sperm cell hooked up with a foreign egg somewhere near Manila and a Blastocyst-Filipina named proto-Michelle was formed. Within a few weeks, little proto-Michelle moved from the Philippines to New York City where she finally acquired "drive-by citizenship" on Oct. 20, 1970.

Now that this is out in the open, you must renounce your citizenship. Given your previous statements about "anchor babies," it's the only honorable thing you can do.

You can rest assured that your sacrifice will help your beloved anti-immigrant movement immensely, and that you'll continue to have our eternal gratitude long after we demand your deportation.

Heterosexually yours in a way of which my wife, Ofjoshua, would approve,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to commenter LG Fucktard.