The Crypto-Islamunist Threat

Michelle Malkin
Our Lady of the Concentration Camps

Dear Mrs. Malkin,

I was sorry to read this morning that you received an avalanche of "moonbat mail from people who finally discovered the Seattle P-I's article mentioning that accused Jew-killer Naveed Haq" is a born again Christian. In fact, I was more than sorry. I was angry, because I suspected that some francoblogger was behind the "battes de lune" assault. I decided to investigate.

I searched every way I know how, using everything from technorati to bloglines, scouring the francosphere, looking for your email address and an exhortation to contact you, but was unable to find the smoking gun. I did, however, find a post written by that orca-hugging, hate-hating, concentration-camp-opposing subversive, David Neiwert, countering your gallery of Islamunist 'lone shooters' with a gallery of Christian ones. I found his post extremely troubling at first. After all, he was pointing out that according to your reasoning, white Christians and brown Islamunists are equally prone to murderous fits of violence.

But then I went back to your post and read the part where you suggested that Naveed Haq may have been operating under Taqiyya, a "dispensation allowing [Shi'i] Muslims to conceal their faith when under threat, persecution or compulsion." That made sense to me. Haq was merely pretending to be a Christian so that he could carry out the violent acts his DNA and religious training compelled him to commit. I'm sure the same could be said of Neiwert's examples. Paul Hill, John Salvi, and Eric Rudolph weren't really white Christians; they were actually Pakistanis who were given a dispensation to wear special redneck disguises and act like assholes.

It makes me wonder how many others like them have infiltrated our ranks. Could John Murtha be Egyptian? How about John Dingell, Josh Orton, and that evil bastard, Glenn Greenwald*? Michael Moore is fat. Surely, they're all Crypto-Islamunists.

And I've always thought there was something funny about and my neighbor, Mr. Garcia. My wife Ofjoshua has been holding Bible study with him late at night for years, yet when I mentioned Ezekiel 23:20 to him the other day, he just gave me a blank look.

Heterosexually yours in an Ofjoshua approved kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*Yes, I'm still angling for that link from Instapundit.