Ned Lamont undermines America's kitten warriors

I gathered my kittens around me the moment I heard about the Kitten War. "Who among you," I asked, looking upon each kitten in turn, "will take up arms against the evilest of kittens, a cream-colored siren named Bitsy and defend our freedom and our right to torture, disposses, and kill the weakest amongst us?" "I will," shouted Lazy Joe, the 5-week-old kitty with the heart of a lion.

And thus, our brave little Lazy Joe went off to war.



But he was stabbed in the back by those who oppose the Kitten War, calling it an abomination, a wasteful, illegal conflict in which our kitties are ground into dust for no better cause than to feed a spoiled rich boy's quest for glory. Led by their hero, Ned Lamont, who some call "the Bitsy candidate," they betrayed Lazy Joe by questioning the wisdom of attacking Madameduhamel and thereby invoking the anger of the hairless, instead of attacking Bitty, our true enemy.



So I gathered up my kittens again and asked, "Who will avenge Lazy Joe?" "I will," yelled Panther, the kitten with a ferocious demeanor to match his name.

And thus, brave little Panther went off to war.



Sadly, Panther faired little better due to the treachery of Lamont and the Kossian Hoard.

I gathered up the remaining kittens for a third time, asking them once again, "Who will go to fight in the Kitten Wars?" "Not I," said Moe, "I will fight the war from under the bed by meowing loudly." "Nor shall I," mewed Smokey, "I was accepted to the Wharton Kibble School."

That's fine with me, because I don't worry about Bitsy anymore.



Update: It looks like the RNC has entered into the Kitten Wars. (Helmet tip to Andy)