The greatest of honors

I've received a great many honors in my life: the placement of my paper maiche likeness in Collectors Wing of the Alcoa Aluminum Recycling Hall of Fame; the awarding of my rank as general by the men who hang out in the restrooms at Liberty Park; and the letter I received from the National School of Art praising my drawing of the pirate in their ad. But I haven't received the greatest honor of them all, the naming of a non-related child after me.

That honor is reserved for only the greatest of men, heroes like Nathan Bedford Forrest, the founder of the Ku Klux Klan. He was honored in this way by no less a man than George Felix Allen when the senator named his oldest son, Forrest.

I can imagine how the senator felt that day. He probably experienced the same rush of emotions I felt when I held my first born son for the first time and introduced him to the world as Torquemada Joshua Christian. Just as I prayed that little Torky would grow up to emulate the Gand Inquisitor's love for using "extreme methods" to wash idolators in the Blood of the Lamb, I'm sure Sen. Allen hoped that his tiny manchild would be imbued with Gen. Forrest's hatred of those cursed with melanin.

Well, that's about it for me tonight. I'm have to help my second born, Goebbels, pack for his internship at Disney. Damn, I'm proud of that boy.