GOP Candidate for Senate,
Dear Mike!,
I admire the way you've handled this DUI controversy. It was smart to voluntarily admit that you were once arrested for drunk driving. And when reporters learned that you had not been fully truthful, it was also smart to say that you didn't recall being handcuffed or falling asleep during questioning because you were suffering from an alcoholic blackout. But the brilliant part was how you told Dori Monson that you hadn't allowed it to beat you. Most people would stop drinking altogether after getting a DUI while suffering from an alcoholic blackout, but not you. As you bragged to Dori, you still drink and drive, but you now know your limits. That's what I call tenacity. Rather than letting the DUI get you down, you crawled right back into that bottle and showed it who's boss.
I think our kids could all learn something from your experience. Have you considered giving motivational speeches to teens?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
PS. I hope you have the same success handling the Ted Stevens/Corrupt Bastards Club controversy. My advice would be to argue that you were just bringing free-market principles to the legislative process.
