A little after-the-speech advice for Joe

Sen. Joe Lieberman
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Lieberman,

By all accounts, Our Leader will be delivering the most difficult State of The Union Speech of his reign, tonight. It doesn't look good. The man is detested by anyone with even a modicum of intelligence. Indeed, you may be his only friend in the chamber.

He's going to need your support when he makes his way through the aisle after he gives his speech. His pride will be crushed. He will be a defeated man. You'll need to show him that you are still his man, but a little peck on the cheek will not be enough. You'll have to slip him a little tongue this time. And while you're doing that, you might also consider working a hand toward the front of his trousers and giving him a little honk. Guys like that.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: I'm listening to Antiques Roadshow as I write this. A guy has a painting by American artist George W. Sotter. He says the artist gave it to his mother. The appraiser asks why it is signed "to Horny." The son replies, "Mother was an adventurous woman. I think it might have been her nickname."

There are just some things a son doesn't need to share on national television.