Sarah L. Chambers
Chairman, NYU College Republicans
Dear Miss Chambers,
I'm a little worried about your immigrant hunt. After all, it's not like you're the first College Republican club to try to wring out a little publicity with this particular stunt. It's becoming as tiresome a gimmick as affirmative action bakesales. You've already held a bakesale, so you know what I mean.
Perhaps you should consider adding a new twist to liven it up a bit. After you've tazered and beaten your immigrant, you should drag him down to the local military recruiting office and force him to sign up to defend your way of life. That'd add an element of realism we haven't seen in previous immigrant hunts.
Heck, it might even get you on the tee vee.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblically acceptable kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot