Pat Robertson and the Great Grilled Cheese Sandwich of Doom

Dr. Jeff Pittman
Regent University

Dear Dr. Pittman,

I'm concerned that your boss, Pat Robertson, may not have fully considered the ramifications of his threat to murder Phillip Busch and his family. After all, Busch uses Pat's Age-Defying Shake and, like Pat, is therefore capable of leg pressing 2000 lbs. That's a lot of power.

While Pat and Busch may be evenly matched because of the Age-Defying Shake, I don't think he considered the possibility that Busch's wife and children are also using the shake, or even worse, Pat's Age-Defying Protein Pancakes? If that's the case, Pat could be in for a world of hurt as Busch's wife and children punch holes in his ribcage while he's focused on dispatching Mr. Busch with a single lethal kick.

Regent University's Department of Age-Defying Comfort Foods needs to come up with something that'll provide Pat with a greater edge, perhaps something like an Age-Defying Breakfast Burrito or an Age-Defying Grilled Cheese Sandwich of Doom that will give him greater speed and even more leg power. Only then will he be ready to crush the Busch family.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot