Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Monday, February 26, 2007

Reclaiming our traditions

Debbie Raziano
National President
Delta Zeta Sorority

Dear President Raziano,

Kudos to you for going down to DePauw University and culling all the overweight and brown sisters from the Delta Chapter. You've given the remaining sisters a special gift; you've given them hope of becoming popular once again.

I wonder, however, if the National Council is doing enough to prevent the same problems from occurring elsewhere. I counted at least three brown and ten overweight sisters in the latest issue of The Lamp. Although 13 is a relatively small number when compared to the hundreds of other sisters who appear in the same issue, it isn't zero, and it's not what we would call that old Delta Zeta standard of slim, white perfection.

If you're going to allow any chapter to accept brown or overweight pledges, you might as well do away with other cherished Delta Zeta traditions like purging and Jew baiting. We certainly don't want to see that happen, do we.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to reader mutzali.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.