Full disclosure: my new campaign position

I haven't told anyone about this until now, because I wanted my readers to be the first to know. Today, I named myself to the position of Independent Director of Internets Tubes Communications for the Michael Savage for President campaign. Although it's an unofficial, unpaid, and completely independent position, I think it's important that I disclose it so you, my readers, are aware that I'm no longer a neutral observer when it comes to presidential politics.

I chose to help Michael Savage for a number of reasons. First, he promises to prosecute his political enemies--he calls them "scum-sucking vermin"--for sedition and make them lick lead paint the moment he takes office. Second, he likes killing people, so we can rest assured that he'll continue pursuing our current foreign policy. Third, I think he might be the first president to ever sodomize one of our enemies. At least he likes to fantasize about it a lot. He reminds me of Our Leader in that way.

Finally, and most importantly, I think he's the only potential candidate who has the vision to implement my two pet projects: abstinence education for bonobos and creating tax incentives to promote the liberation and storage of our tiny spermatazoan-American brothers--it's time we ended the tube sock holocaust. OK, maybe Sam Brownback would support these projects as well, but he's a papist. Mitt and McCain might support either or both projects on Tuesdays too, but by Wednesday, they'd oppose them. And I think it's probably prudent to keep Rudy away from the bonobos as much as possible.

My first task is to convince Mr. Savage to run. He says he'll seriously consider it if 5 million people vote yes on this web poll (he has 3 million yes votes so far). So please head on over there and cast your vote. And when you're posting in some other blog's comments or message board, please encourage others to follow your lead.

Elsewhere: ¡Happy Birthday Nez!