Rep. Jean Schmidt
US House of Representatives
Dear Representative Schmidt,
I want to thank you for attacking those whiny ass wounded soldiers at Walter Reed. It's about time someone but them in their place by declaring that their problems were overblown. Sure, they might have lost their arms, legs, faces and what have you fighting to restore Our Glorious Leader's pride, but they shouldn't get all whiny about it. It's just not that big a deal.
That's especially true when you compare their problems to the ordeal you went through last week at the capital. Falling in vomit, whether it is your own or that of a very drunken Michele Bachmann (R-MN)!, is definitely something more worthy of a whine. Unlike those ungrateful soldiers at soldiers at Walter Reed, your hissy fit was justified. After all, given your usual choice of attire, it was as if someone had tried to clean up puke with a flag*. That's unconscionable.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
*A helmet tip to Kagro X for the flag observation.