Imus and The Sad, Sorry Plight of the White Christian Male

Wan J. Kim
Assistant Attorney General
Civil Rights Division
US Department of Justice

Dear Mr. Kim,

I really appreciate all you've done to turn the Civil Rights Division around. Six years ago, it was a festering pustule of racial hatred where decent heritage-minded white men were persecuted for upholding the education, housing, voting, and employment traditions their fathers and grandfathers fought so hard to keep on the streets of Selma, Birmingham, Little Rock, and Oxford. Today, it stands as a bulwark against the oppression of the white Christian male. The numbers speak for themselves. In the last five years, you office has prosecuted only one discrimination case on the behalf of a black person while performing a full court press against "reverse discrimination" and Bible reading bans in our schools.

Still, as the ongoing Don Imus controversy illustrates, there is much more work to be done. Here we have a respected white broadcaster (and, like Our Leader, a true cowboy of the city, a Marlboro Man for the new millennium) who is being castigated for telling a joke employing an old slave era stereotype about promiscuous black women and the racial inferiority of their hair.

And it was a very funny joke, the kind of joke that regularly has the boys at my heritage defense association laughing their butts off. They just love him. Indeed, our kleagle won't allow us to light the heritage cross until after he's retold a couple of his favorite Imus jokes--the one about the money-grubbing Jews and another about Hitlery getting cornrows and gold caps on her teeth so she can get the black vote.

Unfortunately, black people's sense of humor isn't as highly developed as ours. They were offended by Imus' joke and are writing letters demanding that he be fired. That's a form of employment discrimination, isn't it? I think it's time for you to step up and arrest them for violating Imus's civil rights. That'll teach 'em for oppressing the white man.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot