Guardian of Our Future Glory
Dear Mr. Hanson,
I'm very worried. Our multi-generational plan to transform the Middle East into a giant Wal-Mart where a deserving American elite can purchase natural resources and labor for a mere pittance is on the verge of failure. We cannot sustain such an effort without a dependable supply of young, brown, and impoverished corpses to fuel it, and, according to the Pentagon, brown people are becoming less and less inclined to serve as cannon fodder for our neoconservative wet dreams. Indeed, the recruitment rate has declined 38% since 2001. We need to make up for that shortfall by redoubling our efforts to recruit the young and impoverished. I think you can help us with the former.You have a 24-year-old son. Surely, you've spent many hours trying to convince him to go to Iraq. After all you've written that Our Leader's glorious Iraq adventure "is the central...theater" in an "existential war" against global islamunistofascism. I think it would be very helpful for us to understand why you couldn't convince your son to sacrifice himself for such a noble cause. You could help us avoid repeating your failure by wring an article recounting the many lengthy appeals you most certainly made to your son and the possible reasons why he chose to ignore your pleas and shirk his generation's greatest duty.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
