Kathryn Jean Lopez
National Review On-line
Dear Mrs. Lopez
I am very alarmed by NRO's report that Iranian Revolutionary Guard terrorists employed a delayed acid weapon in an assassination attempt against moderate Shiia cleric Mohammad Ali El Hussien. As your correspondent, W. Thomas Smith, Jr., described it, the device was configured to release an acid that would eat through the chassis of the cleric's car, causing it to break in half while it was being driven.
This is an alarming development. It suggests that someone within the ACME corporation is now providing material assistance to terrorist organizations. It is only a matter of time until we see delayed acid weapons used against us here at home.
Worse yet, we can expect that the terrorist have access to ACME's full product inventory including anvils specifically designed to be dropped on heads, birthday cakes with dynamite candles, and the special paint that is used to make solid rock cliff walls appear to be tunnels. One gallon of such paint applied at critical point on one of our freeways could result in unbelievable carnage as hundreds of cars are pancaked against a mountainside.
I hope you will pursue Smith's reporting further and work to identify the traitor in the ACME corporation who is responsible for putting these dangerous weapons into the hands of terrorists.
Heterosexually yours in a biblically appropriate but not Songs of Solomon kind of way,
General JC Christian, patriot
Elsewhere: Not surprisingly, Glenn Greenwald defends ACMEislamunistofascism.