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Friday, June 06, 2008

Let Lieberman smite them in their secret parts

Sen. Joe Lieberman
Citizens for McCain

Dear Sen. Lieberman,

I'm glad to hear you'll be representing Sen. John McCain at John Hagee's Christian's United for Israel conference. It's a great opportunity to reassure Pastor Hagee's followers that McCain's the candidate who is most in-tune with their basic beliefs.

I'm hoping that you'll use the speech to firm up that relationship even a little more. Specifically, it'd be great if you could tell the attendees that you agree with Hagee's claim that the Holocaust was a good thing for Jews. Even better would by a declaration that you've accepted out lord Jesus as your own personal savior. I bet that'd get you that number two spot on the ticket you want so badly.

You might also promise to ask Sen. McCain to create the position of Undersecretary in Godly Intervention and Biblical Defense for Pastor Hagee in the Department of Defense. Hagee could then hire a staff of professional prayers to ask God to take out Gaza with a hurricane just like he did in New Orleans.

Of course, they'll need to pray for another solution for the West Bank--a hurricane would have to go through Tel Aviv to get there. I'd go for the same punishment God gave the people of Ashdod, Gath, and Bethshemesh for stealing the Arc of The Covenant. That's right, hemorrhoids in their secret parts. If it's a good enough punishment for stealing the Arc, by God it's a good enough punishment for worshipping the wrong version of Yahweh.

Heterosexually Yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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