Virgil the plumber

Victoria Cobb, President
The Family Foundation of Virginia

Dear Mrs. Cobb,

I hope you're still supporting Rep. Virgil Goode now that he's been caught participating in a homosexual movie. I understand how frustrating it can be to be accused of coddling the gay when you're seen at a homosexual event. It's happens to all of us who have anti-homosexual ministries.

You get all dressed up in your witnessing leathers; go to one of those parties they have in Tacoma; they bewitch you with their manly bulges; and the next thing you know, your pictures are plastered all over gobbler.com. And worse yet, the commenters all call you "tiny tots" and "microman."

But when that happens, you've just got to get back up on that horse and plug away even harder.

So please don't let this controversy sway your opinion of him. He'll be fine. I've watched the film seven times now, and it looks like the only place he appears is in the credits--unless he's"Bottom #3," and if that's the case, well, show him a little compassion and don't invite him to sit down the next time he visits.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot