An Even Whiter Shade of GOP

Katon Dawson
Chair, South Carolina GOP

Dear Chairman Dawson,

I'm writing to offer my support for your bid to become the next RNC chair. Who better to lead our continuing efforts to disenfranchise black voters, blame blacks for the mortgage crisis, and fight the War Against Mexicans than a man who belonged to a whites-only country club for over a decade?

Certainly, you're our best bet to make the next Republican National Convention the whitest ever--even whiter than the last one! Heck, I bet you could even drive Alan Keyes out of the party (Don't laugh; it's possible; he'd still have the Klan).

I am concerned, however, that your segregationist credentials may not be enough to win you the chairmanship. How's your record in regard to persecuting The Gay? Are you as committed to it as your senators, Lindsey Graham and Go Fuckyourself? Have you led any efforts to deny basic rights to The Gay? Have you ever proven your commitment to heterosexuality by blowing strange men in a public restroom?

You might need to work on that.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot