Dear Mr. Johnson,
I know your love for the Stars and Stripes rivals only the love you have for Our Glorious Leader. No doubt, you are torn between those two great loves because of the recent shoe incident in Iraq. A quick viewing of the video certainly leaves one with the impression that the Chosen One actively dodged the shoe, thereby allowing it to strike our flag, desecrating its holy cloth with the stink of islamunistofascist footwear.
Surely, there will be those who argue that Our Wise Leader should have placed his body in the path of the shoe and taken the hit for the flag. That's what we expect the Secret Service to do for Him. It isn't asking for much to expect him to do the same for our most sacred symbol.
But a closer viewing of the video leads me to believe that he did not consciously dodge the shoe at all. In fact, he tried to intercept it with his face, but in the moment before impact, he was felled by a sudden, short-lived, alcohol-induced state of unconsciousness. Please take a look at the still photo I've included and you'll see what I mean.
So you see. Our Leader did not desert the flag in the face of an enemy shoe attack. Rather, he stood tall, or at least tried too, but was felled by one too many bottles of Night Train.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A helmet tip to Bob the Hog