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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Secret Constitutional Duties of the Military Branch of Government

John L. Perry

Dear Mr. Perry,

It wasn't very long ago when we condemned those who opposed Our Leader, George W Bush, and accused them of committing treason. We didn't prosecute those rebellious hippies (not for treason, anyway) and they went onto commit an even more treasonous act; they elected a slightly left-of-center black man to serve as our nation's president.

That act of electoral treachery cannot stand.

Thankfully, You have a plan to correct this injustice: convince the military to overthrow our democratically elected president.

I don't think it will be as difficult to pull off as it sounds. We just need to produce the secret section of the Constitution that deals with the Military Branch of government. You know the one I mean. I'm told the text goes something like this:
Article III.V

Section 3: The Military may seize power from the Executive Branch if one or more general officers deem the democratically elected president to be guilty of three or more of the following offenses:

Being Negro.

Being something that someday will be called "slightly Left-of-Center."

Being elected my a majority of electors.

Putting his little president into an unmarried lady's mouth.

Being compared to some future tyrant who murders millions of Hebrews.

Being accused of being from a foreign country, like the Sandwich Islands.

Attempting to provide for the general welfare of the United States.

Allowing his wife to wear sleeveless frocks.
By my count, Obama is guilty of all but one of these offenses.

Hopefully, Article III.V, Section 3 is still hidden somewhere in the National Archives. Glenn Beck might know where to find it. He's always citing the other secret sections.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen JC Christian, patriot

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  1. hit it......tell em' how it is.............tell the truth.about that kellered guy , Obama.........right now , leaves are dying on our trees... I blame the Obama health care plan for that...............

  2. Hey, it's working in the Honduras where it appears that the United States is giving tacit approval for the coup that toppled the democratically-elected President Manuel Zelaya. The Honduran miliatry is simply ensuring that the country will continue to pay slave wages to its indentured servant class; it is only right and fitting that our own domestic corporate/political class turn a blind eye to the military coup. What, me hurry? says Obama.

    Since the United States is operating like a banana republic Barack will be safe as long as wages don't go up. Perhaps the time to worry will be when he starts wearing epaulets. And starts fist-bumping Charles Krauthammer.


  3. General, Sir:

    That Ar-Kansan toothpick is the only part of Col. Chunky's uni that works. The khaki kilt, wtf is up wit dat? No sporran (and trust me, he could use one to cover up some other deficiency, in his crotchal area); flip-flops, 'steada Corcoran jump boots or Doc Martens with Argyle socks; no dirk strapped to his calf, no Claymore? This guy is a digrace to all of the True Scotsman of the KKKRW. I do think he gets a few, damned few, style points for tucking his bagpipes UNDER his shirt--nice touch, that.

  4. If the military didn't "intervene" during the long reign of Crazy King George and his evil Grand Vizer Dick, they won't do so now.

  5. Overcompensating much, ya think?

    We really do need to get a handle on schoolyard bullies. They create such kilted human disasters with their merciless pantses and wedgies.

  6. Here's a prime candidate for a good ole two by four to the head...

  7. Those freaking cowards at NewsMax took down Perry’s article.

    Of course, I’m sure the knew full well what the article was about when they initially published it, given that Perry is a frequent contributor to NewsMax – and I’m sure they thought it was just fine as written. This is what I find particularly repulsive about the American right. It’s bad enough that so many of them are racist and fundamentally anti-democratic (with a small “d”); but what really chaps my ass is how they lie about their own beliefs. They’re too scared to admit the things they really believe in. They say racist and anti-democratic shit all the time; but then immediately deny they’re racist or anti-democratic when they’re called on it. I would have more respect for these conservative assholes if they would just man up and admit they don’t like democracy and they don’t like people of color and they don’t like anybody who’s not a fat, white, suburban Christian like they are.

    Gutless fucking cowards, ask me.

  8. In our house, the rule is....if it twirls, it's a skirt. That skirt looks awful twirly, so I question his patriotism.

  9. Did this peckerhead never see Seven Days in May?

  10. I'd suggest that no matter what the crazies say left isn't the way he's leaning, not even slightly.

  11. When I see that manly picture, all I can think of is the scene in the first "Crocodile Dundee" movie when Paul Hogan, the symbol of all that is manly and Australian, is confronted by the Obama-coloured mugger brandishing a switchblade. You remember, where Hogan whips out his croc-gutter bayonet and says "Now THOT'S a noife!"

    If Dundee could see Mr. Hairy Perry, he'd say "Now THAT'S a skirt!"

  12. Gerenal Sir,

    I see this as true proof of the Progressive & humane nature of American society.

    Here we have someone, representative of a whole demographic of slow-witted individuals who in the past, would have lived their lives out in instituitions.

    Like some of the best mineral water that takes years to meander through rocks, Mr. Perry's outrage over the Bush years has finally percolated through his 'brain'. Damn he is angry.
    Let's give Perry credit. It took 8 years, but he worked out how much Bush was trying to rodger the country. We can't expect him to suddenly process new facts like Obama being the current President lightening quick. It's unreasonable. That'll take another 8 years.

    Now, in the not so distant past, people like these were usually locked up, their conditions not treatable and considered unsafe for the public & to themselves. The progressive nature of the U.S. sees that people like Mr. Perry be not only able to wander freely without one of those funny jackets, but participate in national dialog, like he was normal.

    Seeing Mr. Perry's freedom and attempts to integrate with normal society, no matter how much he fails, just...just bring a tear to the eye, General. A tear to the eye and a stirring of the groin. God Bless America! God Bless it's humane treatment of dullards!
    Viva La America!

  13. Yes! God Bless America! God Bless it's humane treatment of dullards!
    Viva La America!

    After BC's stirring post, I too have a tear in my eye...

  14. Black knee socks would really complete that outfit. "You damned kids get off my lawn before I stab you in the eye!"


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.