The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "You're no fun anymore" has died as a result of uncontrollable, nay hysterical laughter, apparently experienced while sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking pork soda and farting and burping and scratching itself and engaging in all manner of disgusting personal proclivities that make for poor theater but excellent television, while wearing very dirty underwear that didn't belong to it and spitting repeatedly on the cat. Authorities have released a statement which reads, in part, "...the Opinion was a turd-monger" and "...not only are you still fun but you smell terrific as well."

The Opinion, born during the vegetative Reagan, pre-Bush 41, ultimately mid-Clinton era of casual prosperity, welfare queen-bashing and bank regulation euthanasia had been enjoying a a renaissance of sorts, commencing with the Bush 43 administration, as wars in Iraq and Afghanistan weren't and aren't terribly fun, and Hurricane Katrina wasn't the laugh riot many had hoped it would be. Not even Condoleeza Rice's buck teeth could get the nation giggling, nor Dick Cheney's habit of shooting people he was out having gun drinks with. No, none of it was much fun, and a lot of people died and had to move and were tortured and conspired against and exploited and manipulated and stomped on and, well, it may have been a lot of things but fun certainly wasn't one of them.

That changed today when I learned that Monty Python was going to be on American television in a documentary about spam which will be shown beginning Sunday (Oct. 18th) through the following Friday (Oct. 23) at 9 p.m. EDT on IFC. Family of the Opinion, who aren't completely dead but aren't at all well, have asked that you stay the hell away and mind your own business. It's bad enough just as it is, thank you, so don't go mucking it up any further. Now run along and do something with your life, for crissakes. Go on. Go.

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The Opinuary Column appears Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.

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