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Friday, October 30, 2009

The Opinuary Column




The Opinion regarding Halloween which states "During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches" has died.

The Opinion, born in the fevered pumpkin head of Spooky America, has died this time of year many, many times before, yet it is still carried in the hearts and minds of some of the most addled, frightened and morbidly stupid people this planet has ever known. The true face of evil has no face: it denies you medical care and then blames its shareholders. It tells you what to think, which it does by telling you not to think. The greatest demon in the world today is ignorance, and its reign is secure, its throne unassailable, its primacy unmatched.

In lieu of some vaguely Satanic gift like flowers, the family of the late Opinion ask that you give candy to strangers one night a year, that you answer your door that night with a smile and a "Boo!" and that you live your life as if it was just as much fun as you can imagine it to be. Happy Halloween!



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The Opinuary Column appears Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.

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7 comments:

  1. It tells you what to think, which it does by telling you not to think. The greatest demon in the world today is ignorance, and its reign is secure, its throne unassailable, its primacy unmatched.

    I marvel at this. In a nation that defines itself with the personal freedoms it seeks to maximize, I don't understand how such a large percentage of Americans are quite possibly the least free-thinking people in a western democracy.

    I will thank you, mjs, for doing what is quintessential to Halloween: amidst all the 'horror', you could find a moment of whimsy, a moment of fun.

    Happy Halloween.

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  2. The Opinion died, but the dirt started shuddering on top of its grave, and then the Opinion crawled out, half-rotted and smelling like decomposed flesh! It's stumbling this way, dripping bits of gore, with its arms outstretched and its hands all claw-like! RUUUUUUN!

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    Are you saying that the Opinion, like Jason from those "Halloween" movies or the hockey mask guy from "Friday The 13th" and them other guys like that can be killed but not really be D-E-D dead? Are they undead like Dick Cheney, do they need infantahemolattes to survive?

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  5. come next fall, it will rise again
    this admixture of fright and sin
    beware the young who run with glee
    behind their masks the void to see

    (oh shit, i scared myself!)

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  6. If the strength of a demon is progeny, Ignorance is indeed master. Just look at the bootlicks of Faux News and the geriatric zombies that prop them up.

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  7. That is probably the ugliest pumpkin I've ever seen. I hope it makes it back to the compost heap to finish what apparently had a good start already.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.