Dick Armey
Freedom Works
Dear Mr. Armey,
Mike Gressett's story isn't being discussed in the national debate over health care. I think it should be. Here's a hard-case Contra Costa county prosecutor who gets a little lonely and asks another prosecutor to lie with him as a man lies with a woman. She's ok with that until he handcuffs her and puts a gun to her head. Now, thanks to the nomeansomunistofascists, he's been charged with rape.
I'd like to think that it all could have been avoided if the lady had been more aware of men'shealth issues. Had she known that guns are "the patriot's Viagra," she might not have said "no."
If we're going to get a health care bill anyway, we should be working to get a second amendment provision of erectile dys...erectile dysf...boner socialism. Health insurers should pay for firearm hardening therapy. And there should be a government initiative to explain the problem to women and maybe a tax break or some other incentive for those who will lie down with patriots.
The classes shouldn't cost much. All you'll need is a disco ball, a few saturday night specials, and a Chuck Norris, Texas Ranger poster. Oh, and nunchucks
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal
"Boner Socialism." Is that a purple priapic plutocrat in my pants or am I just happy to read you? Really. Seriously. Not kidding. Owf. Jiggle. Gdnarf. Oy.
ReplyDelete++++
If guns are the patriot's viagra, the what were those people really doing at the president's town hall meetings?
ReplyDeleteThe Teabaggers were only playing dumb. Yes, they DO know what that word means!
Here, here! This is the kind of man-up from heaven Poppa likes! Only liberal-pinko-fascist terrorist-loving moonbats could possibly believe that a little foreplay with the business end of a .357 Magnum to the temple constituted rape! Women love guns! Glenn Beck's Conservative History Project has thoroughly documented how often those rugged frontier women, when their manly men were off killing injuns or gambling at a brothel, would use the barrel of the family shotgun as a sexual appliance as they dreamed of their wayward cowpoking hubby!
ReplyDeleteListen up, gents: I have found with my six ex-wives that women enjoy some gunplay with the horseplay but, you know those fickle females; no matter what they say about weaponry in the bedroom, 'no' doesn't mean 'no'! And just because they can find some liberal judge to issue a restraining order doesn't make that any less true -- those gals just love being stalked by a guy with a big pistol!
General, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI think that it would be a real public service if Miss Poppy Hussein Dixon would offer a line of pink, vibrating, nundildoes--only 'cuz I think that Mr. Norris might actually have a back door in his closet. I'n not sayin' he's teh GAY (hey, man, I don't need to have my ass kicked from here to Kokomo!) but he never has DENIED being involved with Glen Bek in the alleged rape and killing of the entire client population and staff of Boystown sometime around 1990.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteIf guns are the patriot’s Viagra®, then I think Rush Limbaugh is that four hour erection they’re always warning us about.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I’ve decided that “Dick Army” will be my porn name.
ReplyDelete’Cuz everybody needs a porn name.
My Dear Mr. Von Ebers: Excellent choice. Will you be appearing in pornographic films with the likes of 'Gorge' W. Bush and Ann 'Cooter'? Of course, I understand in the adult film industry Ms. Cooter is actually a woman, which would differ from the famed right-wing author of a similar name. Oh, and Mr. 'Gorge' really does have a penis in the proper anatomical location rather than peeking out of his collar.
ReplyDeleteThis speaks of the greater rot within our society. This is a crime that could only occur because of our Godless liberalism. How far has our society fallen from Grace? Well, since you asked...
ReplyDeleteNot-men working? Not-men working as prosecutors? How intimidating & insulting to any Christian accused that he be prosecuted by a not-man? He'd probably confess to anything just out of shear shame!
Not only was this not-man working, she was given the power of choice of partners! How does any red-blooded man attract a wife if she has a say in it? What happened to the good old days of paying a dowry to her father or kidnapping her?
While we're at it, where the hell was the not-man's proxy? This poor, beleaguered man has been forced into handcuffing and holding the gun himself rather than the not-man's proxy, probably her grandmother.
The compound of insecurity and intimidation from this not-man's work, choice and freedom would be too much for any man to get it up. He'd have to get some help from his friends Smith & Wesson or Glock. Only a return to traditional values can save us.
BC, you have certainly hit the nail on the head, and if that nail happens to be nearby a human hand and a length of wood, so be it! Even dedicated Christopublicans aren't perfect, except in our humility! Indeed, Not-Men should stay barefoot, pregnant and, at the same time, ever pleasing to the real man's eye. I believe the exact passage is in the Book of Gaseous the Meddler or perhaps in the Suffering of St. Chlamydia.
ReplyDelete