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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving from Sarah

We just finished a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with family in Washington State. It's strange being in a foreign country on such a very American holiday, but we made the best of it by setting the table with familiar fare. There is nothing more delicious than a baby seal you've clubbed yourself, and the wolf liver sorbet was better than ever. Todd's so happy, he doesn't even mind peeing indoors. I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for a great many things on this day.

I'm thankful the General allowed me to post on his blog.

I'm thankful I've finally seen Levi's wang and that my likeness is not tattooed upon it.

I'm thankful that at least 27% of Americans will believe anything.

I'm thankful I rank in the 28th percentile for intelligence.

I'm thankful I have Bristol to raise my baby, Trig.

I'm thankful Trig doesn't look like Todd's business partner.

I'm thankful that Sen. John McCain never admits to making mistakes.

I'm thankful my ghost writer never learned the joys of quitting.

I'm thankful no one told Todd about Viagra.

I'm thankful I can quit being thankful now.

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  1. Anyone remember Sarah giving that Thanksgiving speech at the turkey farm last year?

    You know, the one where the guy in the background is happily slaughtering turkeys and Sarah is totally oblivious.

    Of course, the only reason I like it is because the video has my two favorite things, Sarah and killing. You betcha, I'm gonna go watch it again right now!

  2. Here's my question--How is this dumb bitch SO FUCKING POPULAR?!!

    I feel like Greg Giraldo at the "Roast of Larry the Cable Guy"! Please God, help me understand how someone THIS stupid can make so much money and have so many fans!

    I don't care if they're all hillbillies! They're spending their hard-earned disability pacychecks, giving up necessities like unfiltered Camels and baby formula to buy this fucking book, which they can't even read!

    ARGGGGH!!! I want to stab my FUCKING EYES out!

    Hey-- I just noticed the Jesus on your sidebar winked at me. Creepy.

  3. I'm thankful that Washington State is a foreign country to Sarah.

    I'm thankful that I haven't seen Levi's wang.

    I'm thankful to be counted among the General's conservative christian minions.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Eat. Drink. Sleep. That is the true meaning of this sainted day.

  4. General, Sir:

    Can you imagine what the Impalinator would do if somebody said, "Excuse me, Madame President? There is a 40 pound white turkey on the White House lawn. What do you want us to do with it? Will you be granting it the traditional "Turkey Pardon"?

    I was told by a young fellow, who is a rather confused GOP jugend, that Misstress Sarah made an appearance at a book signing in Rochester, NY on a recent afternoon. She was autographing books, for anyone who would donate $100 to her 2012 campaign. I wonder if that's even legal, not that it would matter to her.

  5. She brings not mirth nor charity nor wit
    In her hour on the stage
    No truth uttered, no conviction reasoned
    We, in our poverty, are made poorer yet
    As she struts and fritters that hour away

    Rome isn't burning:
    Rome is burned


  6. The Wasilla Ice Princess is popular because she's such an easy story to cover for the blow-dried media and, like O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson, she gets huge ratings from the low-info, developmentally-impaired audience advertisers and former Nigerian finance ministers with access to email covet.

    These yokels indiscriminately buy a lot of the crap pumped out by multi-national corporations and they don't ask questions or whine about undrinkable water or unbreathable air. And, should they be put out of work, they'll believe it's due to socialist liberals in ACORN sending their jobs overseas. Besides, they can always find something over at the Creationist Museum of Natural History.

    In earlier times this crowd were tolerated as the village idiot; today they are on the school board.

  7. What gives these village idiots traction is that American intelligentsia haven't come across where they're desperately needed - fixing the American social structure.

    Even these dolts can see, despite the hypocrisy of it, that something about America isn't working, and that the knowledgeable 'them' routinely let them down.

    Consequently they are not only suspicious of, but also loathing the structure (government) that presumably is there to work for them, to better their lives.

    This is why I've been suggesting that some serious mental horsepower will need to be employed to sort out what America's problem is, and then what is going to be done about it.

    I've been advocating an easy 'Get Americans to see America from outside' program; to consider America from its inception, requiring a multi-century timebase (seeing America as the result of historic events precipitating today's outcome); to consider what structures work elsewhere in the world, and why; to publicly discuss what you have and where you'd like to get to (probably here on the internet) - to set a new vision.

    Though such a national project will suffer a ton of derision and a tempestuous ride for awhile, eventually it will rise above the noise and prevail. No, it wont be easy, but if you want to see the village idiot out of the school board, you'll have to make it abundantly clear why they have no business being there.

    Enjoy the holiday!

  8. A real American would never eat a french food like sorbet.

    It's sherbert, damnit.

  9. Porchcunt Those books were sucked up by the truck load and given away
    by certain unnamed parties or sold at 70% discount by big box.
    the cost is less that a 40oz.

  10. @ Joe Visionary: You have some good suggestions, but getting most Americans to see anything outside of themselves is a hard row to hoe. BTW, those village idiots ended up on the school boards and in other elected offices because they were trained by Christopublican courses to campaign as mild-mannered MOR candidates and hide their real agenda. Once in office, they did their damage. (Jesus would be proud!)

    @ SoulBug: Good point. That's true -- bulk orders likely represent half her book sales, or more. I haven't checked -- does the NY Times bestseller list have a dagger next to her name?

  11. Tattlesnake, Sir:

    Can I assure you that what Americans consider middle of the road (MOR) isn't?

    Middle of the road by the rest of western democracy standards is a judicious balance between the needs of the many (society) and the needs of the individual.

    In the land of constitutionally degreed 'grab and defend' can you see how an ardent neo-con fiegning MOR really doesn't have far to go?

  12. Joe Visionary:

    I respect your opinion, but condescension and preaching will not get you too far at this blog. Your characterization of the entire country being in thrall to gun ownership and rapine is considerably off the mark.

  13. Stop, you're both right! Mr. Visionary, it's quite true that in some parts of the country -- fortunately not a part I live in -- going to the middle is a short step, but these 'Jesus Camps' for School Board Politicos tell their graduates never to mention their dafter Christopublican leanings while campaigning, nor let on that they plan to include Creationism in textbooks, prayer in class, and the mounting of the Ten Commandments in every bit of spare wall space if elected. Seems everywhere but beneath Haley Barbour's Bible Belt, that kind of stuff won't get you into office. Or, at least, that's what they believe.

    Mr. Democommie, you're also right -- as I've exposited above, the religious goop that puts a tent in the far-right's Dockers doesn't play well in most places of the country.

  14. First, I'll have to beg for your forgiveness because the last thing I want to do is offend.

    Because I don't have the luxury to read all the background in this matter that I'd need, I present what little I have seen over the years, what I read about here, and what my personal investigations have taught me. Given this limited background, I present what I see.

    To be honest, I was hoping to be taken to task, with perhaps a bit more than but condescension and preaching will not get you too far at this blog.

    For what I know demo's capable of, a sound trouncing should have been in order, and that can still take place respectfully.

    The best way to make me go away is to demonstrate how I got it wrong ... or simply ask me to stop NOTWITHSTANDING my arguments (

    Because life is a journey of trial and errors, and often we need a breather to sort out our own (collective) heads, hitting this 'time-out' button occasionally is acceptable.

    But when someone holds a mirror up to you, eventually you DO need to deal with the reality.

  15. Joe Visionary:

    You are exactly right about SOME folks being that way, but it's not the "some folks" that come to this blog. That's the problem. You want to get some bang for your buck you have to go to fauxgressive blogs and talk to those folks.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.