Holiday Terrorism

Pastor J. Grant Swank
Columnist Portland Press Herald

Dear Pastor Swank,

On the day after Thanksgiving, we celebrated one of the most holy American holidays, Black Friday. It's supposed to be a day when we celebrate the beginning of the season of our Savior's birth by engaging in the most sacred sacrament of capitalism, the big box store sale riot.

But this year, the spirit of this holy day was horribly violated by the intrusion of Eid, a Muslim festival that celebrates the end of the Haj with the slaughtering of livestock to provide meat to the poor. Yes, you read that right. Not only is it a Muslim holiday, it's a socialist one as well--believers are expected to feed the impoverished.

Worse yet, they slaughter the animals with their own hands while praising God. They don't have the decency to hire a butcher to do it for them like real Americans, somewhere out of sight.

Even one of our greatest temples of profit, Best Buy, succumbed to the temptation to reach out to the non-Christian by wishing the followers of Islam a "happy Eid al-Adha."

And then there's this email you published:

I thought I would let everyone know that I took a deer into Archers Meats in Fishers, Indiana on Friday after Thanksgiving. It is the same place I have taken deer for 20 years.

They told me they couldn’t take my deer today because it was a Muslim holiday and the Muslims were in the BACK SACRIFICING GOATS TO ALLAH.

I repeated back to her slowly and in a shocked tone what she had just said to me.

Then I told her: ‘Shame on you for putting your customers on the back burner and the American Hunter to the side while the people we are at WAR with practice their religion in the back of your building...'

If I wouldn’t have gone to jail I would have gone back to spit on the floor in front of the Muslims and draw my weapon.

This is America. Let’s keep it.

It's a shame this supposedly "good" Second Amendment American let such an assault on Black Friday and hunting go unpunished. One can only conclude that he wickedly harbors a secret respect for the First Amendment and its subversive clauses on religion.

He's your correspondent. He's your friend. It's up to you to punish him for failing to punish the Eid celebrants. You must find him, spit on him, and then gun him down.

It's what Jesus and Adam Smith would do.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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