Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The One True Cure for Breast Cancer

Rev. Flip Benham
Operation Save America

Dear Rev. Benham,

Your expose on the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure was very enlightening. I particularly enjoyed the part where you took them to task for failing to support the one true cure for breast cancer (scroll down):
But it [Susan G. Komen Foundation] will fight to the death those who would dare expose the real cure for breast cancer – child bearing! “But women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” 1 Timothy 2:15.
Have you thought about leading an effort to include a compelled childbirth provision in the preventive care portion of the health care bill? If not, you should.

The provision should require wives to become pregnant in their first year of marriage. Additionally, not-men who stubbornly cling to spinsterhood into their mid-twenties could be drafted into a handmaid corps to receive the health benefits of childbirth by providing children to barren families.

Very little tax money would be needed to fund the handmaid corps. Fines levied against those wives who stubbornly resist conception in that first year should pay for most of it. The rest could be paid by the husbands who receive handmaids. I bet Sen. Vitter would sponsor that part of the bill.

I'd like to get together with you soon to go over our strategy.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Flip Benham: “Richard Bartholomew has the Spiritual Depth of a Pie Tin”

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.


  1. I'm over 50 and never had a child. Will the Benham health care bill provide me with all the treatments so I can have my breast-cancer preventive child?

    PS What do I do with it once it's born?

  2. Jeepers... my mom is a breast cancer survivor and I was born 18 months after my parents wed!

    18 - 9 = 9, under 12 months.

  3. Yo Gen,
    The benefits of twins is obvious, but what extra do ya get for triplets.

  4. Drama Queen: after the child is born it is to be disciplined with a belt. Later, when it starts to grow horns, staking it to a tree during Lent is known to improve its math skills.


  5. mjs: You mean I have to raise the damn thing? That sucks. Well, perhaps I can train it to beg at street corners.

    Also, do I get a trade it in if I end up developing the big C?

    Leading a Christian life is so difficult.

  6. Oh, that's what a handmaid is.

    I'm glad to see that it's every bit as sexual as I had assumed.

  7. Anonymous8:08 AM

    Cancer is a general term, describing a group of different diseases. Because these diseases are different, it

    is unlikely that a general cure for cancer will evolve. Each type of cancer needs its own treatment program.

    our organization is free helping for remove cancer to world, so lets join the cammiunity of a big group of

    cancer help.

    just visit once at:


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.