I like senate candidate Sue Lowden's solution to the health insurance crisis. Bartering chickens for health care may seem a bit old fashioned, but, by gawd, we could use a little more "old fashioned" these days. Modern concepts like currency, equality, and science have brought us nothing but trouble.Of course, the liberal satanocommunists at the DSCC are mocking her proposal with a "Chickens for Checkups" website. She's weathered their taunts quite well so far, but if she doesn't receive public support for her idea soon, I suspect she'll back away from it.
That's why I'm asking you to show your support by donating to her campaign. Now, I'm not asking you to send her money. That'd violate the spirit of her health care bartering concept. If chickens can be traded for a checkup, eggs should be welcome as campaign donations.
Please mail your egg donation here:
Sue Lowden for US Senate
6655 S. Tenaya Way, Suite 170
Las Vegas, NV 89113
If you'd rather have someone else do it for you, Whitmore Farm will ship a dozen fertilized eggs or a day-old chick to her office for as little as $5. If you're a family values voter, Cackle Hatchery can mail five non-sexed cornish-cross chicks for $11.35 And if are fish more your style? Allfreshseafood.com can send her two pounds of sardines for a mere $16.
More campaign donation ideas:
Cockroaches, 10ct, $22.95
Steer manure, 1Cu.Ft., $1.38
Fly Larvae, Pkg. of 100, $15.95
Earthworms, 250ct, $19.95
Supporting this particular Republican has a kind of 5th Grade Science Fair feel to it. If my skin could crawl it would be halfway to Utah by now.
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Look, whatever you say about Sue Lowden's offer is moot. The more important point of the article is the non-sexing chickens. I can personally vouch that these chickens are damned nymphos!
ReplyDeleteThey should combine those doc-in-a-boxes with KFCs and make things easier for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I can send her one of my mayonaise jars full of liberated spermatawarriors. Got to be worth something.
ReplyDeleteGeneral, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI love the scent of rationality burning up inside her head; it reminds me of victory. It smells just like fried chicken, only crispier.
I found out last night that the going rate for emergency room treatment for 10 stitches is a dozen fresh eggs and $700, minus the eggs.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived in Nevada, I'd donate my eggs directly onto enny of her campaign signs I could find. Just as hard as I could throw 'em...
ReplyDeleteMaggots for votes sounds about right.
ReplyDeleteI just checked Craigslist and saw an ad for 6-week-old pullets for $5 each.
ReplyDeleteSo, if I need, like, open heart surgery, it'll only cost me about a convey of chicken trucks.
P.S. If you're in need of medical care and can't afford to pay multiple chickens, sacrificing one on an altar while praying to the diety of your choice is a good fallback option.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there are any doctors or hospitals out there who would take a goose that lays golden eggs in exchange for services.
ReplyDeleteThis is my doctor. I'm so lucky!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDZlYjsPFwE
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ReplyDeleteSo when people were egging Bush's limo, they were really just making campaign contributions? I'm good with that.
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