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Monday, June 07, 2010

Confederate-Style Christianity

Sen. Jake Knotts
Grand Dragon, South Carolina Senate

Dear Sen. Knotts,

Your apology to gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley left me very disappointed. Although your excuse was good--you were in a pub (and presumably drunk) when you called her a "fucking raghead"--you shouldn't have used such filthy language to begin with.

I mean, hey, you're a member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans. That's not how the SCV handles that kind of thing. You know what I mean. Haley's parents are Sikhs. They're originally from India, a swarthy nation. She's just not as white as she could be. At best, she's an honorary American, not a real American like you or me or Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest.

That's what you were really getting at, wasn't it?

Instead of calling her a "fucking raghead," you should have responded in the traditional manner of a true son of the confederacy. You should have shown her the beauty of confederate-style Christianity by erecting The Flaming Cross of Our Lord Jesus in her front yard.

That'd get the same point across without the nasty profanity.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. I did not know you were the guy who coined "If you do the crime, be prepared to do the time!" but it says so on your Senate web site. What I don't understand is how you got people to use it years before you said it.


  1. Why, she's almost as dark as John Boehner!

  2. General, Sir:

    I think a large part of Senaturd Knotthead's problem is RPI (Racist Pejorative Inflation). For Good Ol' Boys like Mr. Knotthead it would be helpful to know which sorta UnMerKKKin folks they are talkin' about.

    Ragheads are muslimisticofascists. Sikhs are a different sorta mooslim, if they're even one at all. I suggest that the good senaturd use appropriate racist labels when he's racihatin'. I'm not sure if it's as catchy as "raghead" (with, or without, the "fucking") but I don't think that "PunjabknifeboyforOrphanAnnie(c)" was in use before now, so I OWN it. Senadicktard Knottholefucker is welcome to it, as long as his PAChole friends can afford the licensing fee.

  3. Looks like he might a got the fuckin' part right, though.

  4. What's beautiful about the Senator's colorful use of language is he identifies a prominent feature of someone he disapproves of, i.e. a covering scarf, and incorporates the article of clothing into a bilious invective. Well played, Mr. Rickles! I bet you had them on all fours at the slaughterhouse with that one!

    Most assuredly, no one with a sphincter of dignitude could ever take a puerile, insipid swipe back at him, i.e. uttering nonsense about him like that fat, beet-faced neck-warbler or Mister Grimace. Nope, no one could ever take issue with his native dress or countenance. I bet there isn't a person of color within spitting distance of him that doesn't get a full volley of his rapier wit. And I'm not even a betting man.


  5. I think the important part here is that Sen. Knotts know that 'We're at war over there'. Forget Iraq. Forget Afghanistan. Forget the tribal areas of Pakistan. Those damned sicks in the punjab (Why would you choose to be sick? Thats just how twisted they are) are where its at. I bet the sick head probably bribed bin Laden.
    Nikki Haley may be good looking, as brown as Boehner and Christian, but that doesn't mean she isn't a sick muslim who hates America.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.