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Monday, July 19, 2010

L. Frank Baum: The First Tea Party American

Most of us remember L Frank Baum because a demonic occult movie made from one of his books, The Wizard of Oz, but he was also a good, Christian newspaperman. On December 20, 1890 he published an editorial in "The Aberdeen Pioneer" stating his love for Jesus and His Most Holy and Immaculate High Elf, St Nicholas:
On Christmas day the Nativity of Christ is observed. The Kris Kringle or, Santa Claus, is a relic of the ancient Yule Feast, so that the festival of Christmas is a curious mingling of ancient heathen and Christian customs, albeit a very pleasing and satisfactory celebration to the people of today.
With this issue it is a pleasant duty for us to wish all our readers a Merry Christmas.
Nine days later, the heroic soldiers (all soldiers, after all, are heroic) of the Seventh Cavalry turned their Hotchkiss guns on Big Foot's band of pagan ghost dancing Lakota, killing as many as 300 men, women, and children. Liberals now call the incident "the Wounded Knee Massacre."

Here's what Mr. Baum had to say about it in his next editorial:
The PIONEER has before declared that our only safety depends upon the total extirmination [sic] of the Indians. Having wronged them for centuries we had better, in order to protect our civilization, follow it up by one more wrong and wipe these untamed and untamable creatures from the face of the earth.
Obviously, Baum was way ahead of his time. His words are a perfect example of Tea Party logic. Just as "slavery saved black people from getting AIDS in Africa," the genocidal acts we committed at Wounded Knee were our redemption for our sins against Native Americans.

Elsewhere: Secret pages from the Pentagon's DADT comic book.


  1. And their little dogs, too!

  2. Funny thing it, you hear the same rhetoric leveled at liberals.

  3. I thought they proved that the indians and blacks did not actually exist, that they were the stuff of legends and myths. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I heard that somewhere.


  4. Thank goodness America's tactics have gotten more sophisticated since the days when our brave soldiers had to risk their lives Gatling-gunning the dangerous women and children of the original Reds.

    Over in the Babylon Oil Colony, the troops (I support the troops with my yellow ribbon magnetic sticker!) have been doing a good job at inciting the various sects of falsegodworshippers to kill each other with suicide bombers. Sure, there were some problems initially with the invasion and those 4,500 troops who died, but they were just "little people", not hedge fund investors or anyone important, and sometimes you break a few eggs when you turn the foxes of war loose in the omlette coop, or something like that.

    The "get the primitives to kill each other" strategery is also starting to pick up scream in the Himalayan Heroin Colony, too. (Remind me again why we need a heroin colony, unless it's to supply the raw material so's the social misfits in America can be conned into killing themselves?) If this keeps up, soon the whole world will be slitting its collective throat, while America sits back watching and laughing. USA! USA! USA!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.