Meet Prosty the Heat-Packing Prostate

Christopher JM Cummins, MD, MT
Captain, United States Army Reserve
Sole Proprietor, Magnolia State Family Medicine

Dear Capt. Dr. Cummings,

I saw your ad in the official publication of the Council of Conservative Citizens, The Citizen's Informer. It says a lot about you that you'd choose to advertise in a newsletter that dares to publish such important, but controversial, information as this:

Depending on foreign extraction, convenience store operators pilfer the welfare system by diverse methods. Korean grocers have been observed paying cash for deli supplies purchased with EBT cards held by black welfare cheats.

And:

The U.S.A., which Jewish publicists have propagandized as “a nation of immigrants” (i.e., not a nation at all), has drifted far away from integral nationalism.
That makes the U.S.A. a place that is good for the Jews, but will their luck hold if usury remains in crisis?

And:

The colored races have not changed. They have always hated the white race. What has changed is the white race. A large minority of whites, possibly even a majority now, hate the white race. And the rest of the whites have become cattle, to be herded to the stockyards to be exterminated or ‘diversified.’

Obviously, you're a man who isn't afraid to lay down a few dollars to educate your fellow Confederate-Americans. That's why I'm asking you to sponsor the guns and sex safety organization I'm founding, The National Firearm Foreplay Association.

As you may be aware, there are a lot of sick perverts out there who enjoy putting a gun to their partners' heads during sex. One of them is in the news now for accidentally shooting his wife--apparently, he has problems with homophones and the word, "cock," threw him.

Anyway, I think a lot of good men get sucked into this sick kind of perverted sex play, because no one has told them how to properly use a firearm while procreating. They don't understand that, as a sex accessory, a gun is a prostate stimulation device, period. It should never be used for any other kind of foreplay.

Yes, I know it should be obvious--after all, that front site is put there to massage the our happy-man-spot--but a lot of folks seem to be missing it.

I think $50,000 would get me started and another $20,000 would be needed to develop a marketing plan centered around our mascot, "Prosty the Heat-Packing Prostate." Do you think you could swing that?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot