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Monday, October 03, 2011

Ten Excuses from Brother Rick

The politically correct hippyoshpere is exploding in condemnation of Rick Perry simply because his hunting camp is named "Niggerhead." They say it exposes his racism, a hatred for the unheartlandishly hued he learned growing up in Jim Crow's favorite piece of Texas.

But Perry has hundreds of less sinister excuses for using that name. Here are just a few:
  • "I was just trying to up my secessionist cred."
  • "It's where I go to make execution decisions. It's a sacred place. You shouldn't sully it by attacking its name."
  • "It was a typo, I meant to write "Nigrahead."
  • "The name sounds "folksy." You like folksy, don't you? Or are you some kind of socialist?"
  • "God told me He'd provide rain for Texas as long as there's a "Niggerhead" in Throckmorton County--it's gone now and so's the rain. You can blame tolerance for that."
  • "We named it after that country in Africa."
  • "As soon as I learned it was offensive, I changed it to "Jewboy's Nose."
  • "Rappers say it. Why can't a good ol' boy who's executed nearly two hundred black men say it without being called a racist?"
  • "God damned Herman Cain!"
  • "I felt bad about owning a 'honky' tonk and wanted to balance my slurs."

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