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Friday, July 13, 2012

Lost History, Lost Values: How Remembering Armed Birds and Dancing Horses Will Save America

A lot of the dislike for Elder Romney and our patriots in Congress is based on an ignorance of our history. People just don't know things like how the Constitution's General Welfare Clause was written to ensure the welfare of generals and not to improve the overall condition of the people.

I aim to change that by digging up our forgotten history and sharing it with you. I hope you'll pass this knowledge along via your chain email networks and help me bring the rest of America back up to speed.

Today, we'll begin with a little early American history.

Letter from a soldier writing from Valley Forge:
We were cold, hungry, exhausted and dispirited, but when Gen. Washington declared, "Your travails are nothing when compared to those who are denied the right to abuse their dogs by tying them atop wagons," we rose to our frostbitten feet as a unit and cheered.
From Samual Adams's journal:
We unanimously adopted Ben Franklin's motion to protest the Stamp Act by hiding our money in the Caymans.
From the transript of the congressional debate over passage of the Second Amendment:
Rep. Baldwin: The phrase, "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State...," obviously applies to defense against scary, dark, hoody-wearers of Moorish complexion. There is no need to make this measure even more convoluted and confounding than it already is by adding a concept that is already implicitly expressed. It would be nothing less than...there is no English word that expresses such a ignorant exercise in redundancy, so I shall coin one here and call it communist--It would be nothing less than communist to do so.
Letter found on the body of Jebediah Sprinfield who died at the Battle of Yorktown:
..and should I fall, do not mourn my passing for I shall have given my life for our children's god-given right to receive tax deductions for their dancing horses.
From a transcript of the congressional debate over passage of the Fourth Amendment:
Rep. Mason: We need not list every exception to due process. It derives from common sense that the summary execution of the swarthy by use of musket-equipped game fowl does not require a judicial process. That fact does not change, even in the unlikely event that such armed game fowl may eventually be replaced by intelligent flying automatons armed with exploding wangdobbers."
Letter from James Madison to his wife, Dolly:
I agree with you, my dearest Dolly. You have my authority to manage the slaves as you wish, but as for my womb, I shall manage it from here until I return. A womb is much too valuable a treasure to be entrusted to a woman's care. It's one of the reasons so many gave their lives to achieve our nation's independence.
From the transcript of the congressional debate over passage of the First Amendment:
Rep. Clymer: "By 'there shall not be a an establishment of religion' we mean an establishment by the Jews, Mohammedans, papists, or any future religion founded by anyone who claims Indians are Jews and Jesus gave him Golden Plates. Do we all agree on that? [consent given by all present] OK then, let's move on to the discussion about how calling someone a bigot violates their free practice of religion.
From the journal Revolutionary War seaman John Pendrake:
We may die breaking this blockade of Boston Harbor, but it is worth the risk if it frees us from the King's tyranny, ends the Negroes' demands for free stuff, and prevents men from putting their wangdobblers into an innocent, god-fearing sailor's whoopie hole.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.