Elder Guzman Bites the Snake

As the leader of a special congregation of Lamanites, no doubt Mormon Elder Efrey Guzman asked the Lord for guidance before he left to provide to counsel to the "Pratt" family. A quick chat with God and Jesus is standard procedure for any Melchizedek priesthood holder preparing to do anything. Surely, Mitt Romney consulted with Jesus about dancing horses before he purchased Rafalca to tango with the Queen's best stallions. And our Savior, wanting to test Brother Mitt, said, "Yes, my son, I gave that pony an extra left foot, adding a cha to his cha chas to better serve thee."

And so it was with Elder Guzman. He asked God for guidance, and Yahweh responded, telling him to tightly grab hold of little 13 yr-old "Sally Pratt's" buttocks, slip his tongue into her newly teenaged mouth, and then run away.

Elder Guzman, being a righteous man, followed God's instructions the letter. He cradled the little Beehive's butt like it was the Liahona itself and thrust his tongue into Sally's mouth like...well...like Brigham Young on a good day at the goat barn.

His tasked completed, Elder Guzman fell to his knees and queried the Lord in regard to his next assignment. Jesus answered this time, commanding "Go thee back unto the Pratt house, tear off Mrs. Pratt's blouse and gaze upon her lady pillows. Then, seek out her son, 20 yr-old "LaDell," and grab hold of his man parts. Yea, even taketh his little Lamanite from out of his boxer shorts and bite it mightily."

Elder Guzman did as Jesus commanded for he is a righteous servant of the Lord.

Note: the names of "Pratt" family members have been changed.